One bloke and his TV girlfriend have been caught enjoying a secret tryst involving a vacuum. James Weir recaps.
Farmer Wants A Wife transforms into Married At First Sight’s feral country cousin on Sunday night when it relocates to the big smoke for a full-blown boozy blowout.
“I think there’s gonna be a bitta drama at the table tonight,” one of the city girls forecasts as the fleet of D-MAX utes rumble over the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Hold onto ya Akubras.
Over the past 24-hours, drama has rocked one of the homesteads. A city girl snuck into one of the stockmen’s bedrooms for a romp. We wonder what the CWA handbook would advise in a situation like this.
“All us ladies had an agreement that we’d all be respectful of each other – and, unfortunately, Daisy hasn’t,” fumes Jacinta. “She just snuck off in the middle of the night.”
Todd’s obsessed with Daisy — and he seems to be the only one. The other girls in the harem can’t stand her. And Farmer Todd’s mates vetoed her within minutes of meeting because she reminded them of his crazy ex. But it doesn’t matter. Todd has already decided Daisy is the one he’ll pick.
Jacinta watches from across the cocktail bar as Daisy gets up close and personal with their shared boyfriend.
“Daisy has been holding Todd’s hand and being all over him and flaunting it,” she sneers.
When the wine starts flowing, there’s only one thing to do: stage a public confrontation.
“Why have you been love bombing Todd?” Jacinta accuses her nemesis.
Farmer Todd is confused.
“What’s love bombing?” he whispers to himself, assuming it’s some kind of new sex position invented by city folk.
Daisy knows what this is all about: the bedroom romp. But she has an excuse. And like all good excuses, it involves a vacuum cleaner.
“Jacinta and I had words the other morning,” she tells the group. “I went to get the vacuum cleaner to seal up my bags and I snuck in for a cuddle in the morning. The opportunity was there and I took it. I’m not here to make friends.”
Spoken like a true reality star.
More phrases from the How To Be A Reality TV Contestant checklist are ticked off.
“You broke the girl code!” Jacinta declares.
“I feel attacked!” Daisy cries.
Jacinta thinks this exposé will turn Farmer Todd against Daisy. But we’ve seen enough of these confrontations to know it will only push them closer — and backfire on Jacinta.
Daisy runs off sobbing. And Farmer Todd dumps Jacinta from his harem — effective immediately — before lumbering off in pursuit of his romp buddy.
He can’t wait to get back to the homestead to try the love bomb.