There’s a story making the rounds right now about how noted Scientologist and star of the 1985 cult classic Legend (it’s possible he’s had some other gigs since then, I didn’t check) attempted to enter the car of UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak’s presumably state-owned and armored car while at a heliport in London. I was asked to write this up, since it’s, you know, car-related news about multiple famous people, and I agreed, but now as I really think about it, I think the real story is the fact that this incredibly minor incident is getting all the attention it is. And now I’m contributing to that attention! So, screw it, let’s look at what happened, and why this is blowing up.
And it is blowing up; the tweet that shows what happened has over 4.3 million views at this moment, and there’s a ton of news stories out there discussing what happened.
Here, look at all of these:
I like the headlines that say “nearly hijacks” because that implies a whole other level of intent here. Much more exciting. Let’s take a look at the video from this, um, event so we can decide for ourselves just what level of thrilling this is, on a scale from, say, Mission Impossible II to Cocktail:
Tom Cruise almost jumps in Rishi Sunak’s car while out in Wandsworth, London pic.twitter.com/GVLbNi6gFO
— UB1UB2 West London (Southall) (@UB1UB2) June 3, 2024
Okay, yes, it happened, but exactly what happened? Tom Cruise lands at a heliport, knows he has to get into some hire car that isn’t his, so he tries to open the door of a black Audi, but, oops, that’s not it, so he goes to the black Mercedes-Benz next to it and our exciting, two-fisted tale of walking up to the wrong car comes to a satisfying and climactic end.
I do get why it was deemed newsworthy, of course: it’s Tom Cruise, one of the best-known movie actor fellas of our time, and Rishi Sunak is the leader of one of the biggest beans-on-toast-eating nations of Earth, and it’s in the middle of an election campaign. So I get that the interaction and intersection of these two humans would be deemed newsworthy, but is this really an interaction? Dude walked up to the wrong car. That was it.
I guess if Chamomile Bandersnatch or Menchavik Thunderscratch or Benedict Cumberbatch or whoever were to attempt to enter the American Presidential “Beast” limo, that would make news, too. I guess.
This whole thing just feels ridiculous. For one thing, Cruise had a perfect opportunity and squandered it. That dude has been trained in spy movies for decades. He couldn’t have found some way into that Audi? Please. He didn’t even try.
Also, a bit of this reporting kind of struck me as, I suppose, disheartening. This is from the Politico article:
Famously the two men share a likeness beyond their choice of vehicle — their diminutive stature. Both stand at around 5ft 7 inches, and Sunak in particular has been mocked by his opponents over his height.
As a person of “diminutive stature” myself, I think I can comfortably say what the fuck, Politico? The fuck does height have to do with anything? Does it really matter so little what someone accomplishes that somehow being short is what’s most relevant? Ridiculous, but, whatever, that’s how the world works. What’s also maddening is the “share a likeness beyond their choice of vehicle” because neither of them chose those vehicles: Cruise had some car-service-supplied Mercedes, and the PM had the official Audi (they can’t use a Jag or something British?). They didn’t go out of their way to select these things!